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| ,.:'`':., 10/1/06 ,.:'`':.,
~*º Mood: ecstatic º*~
Last night, I fully realized the extent of my love. I have never felt this way about anyone. Ever. He makes me feel things I didn't think was possible.
While laying on my bed talking to him, I had the phone positioned so perfectly that his voice sounded like it was coming from right next to me. I could swear I felt his hand on my waist, and when I sat up and leaned against my bed, I felt his arm around my shoulders. I could sit here for hours explaining everything I am constantly thinking of, but considering I don't have that kind of time, I won't... well, maybe a few details. =]
During school, I zone out constantly, and at home I'm always daydreaming. I think about the night I snuck out of my room at midnight to give him a note, put my hand on his face and kissed him on the cheek. I remember his face- shocked but with a twinge of happiness. I think about how the next day, while walking around the Ibis hotel lake thing, he randomly grabbed my hand and sent tingles through my whole body. I think about the hours we sat on the bus together just holding hands, with my head on his shoulder. I think about how he would tickle me endlessly, and I think about the smile on his face while he was tickling me. I think about the two nights we spent in Australia holding hands and cuddling while walking down the beach, through the forest path and then standing and looking at the stars. I think about all those moments when our cheeks or foreheads were touching and about how close we were to kissing. I think about saying goodbye to him at the airport, sobbing, and holding him close. I could feel myself shaking, and I could feel his head on mine, his hair tickling me like it always did. When we pulled back to say goodbye, I remember looking into his eyes while tears were streaming down my face, and he obviously didn't find me too unattractive, because he just kissed me on the cheek. I kissed him back, and with one last hug after I handed him a note, he was gone. This sounds incredibly lame, but I could feel a part of me leaving with him, and as he stopped and turned around, he waved one last time.
I haven't been able to hold him in over 2 months, and I won't be able to for 3 more. But what matters the most is that I love this boy with all my heart. He's everything to me, and he means so much to me that I can't even put it into words. Our conversation last night has got to be the sweetest one I have had with anybody, but it wasn't cheesy at all. The things we said, we really meant. I told him I wanted him here to cuddle with me and watch movies. He told me of how beautiful he found me, and of how he couldn't put it into words. We talked about making a teleportation device to get us closer, but we realize that isn't possible, so we just count down the days until we can finally see each other again.
Anyways, I'm starting to get pretty hungry, so I guess I'll end this entry now.
I Love You, Wyatt.
<3
**EDIT**
Corey Crowder - Here's Looking At You, Kid
Ill keep on driving so we can talk a while
I know I could drive all night just to stay here with you
At the end the night well embrace and stare at the star filled night
Would it be alright if we didnt say goodbye this time?
Ill wait and wonder when our next time will be
Ill see you next week, hopefully
I wish it were sooner
At the end of my trip well embrace and stare at the star filled night
Would it be alright if we didnt say goodbye this time?
Every time were away I feel a distance I cant take
Watching you drive away, oh it kills me
Ill be alright
Have no worries
Im just a bit over anxious
And maybe a little impatient
At the end of the night next time after we look at the star filled night
Can we escape to a far away land where we will forever remain..
Living as one and walking hand in hand | | |
| ,.:'`':., 9/19/06 ,.:'`':.,
~*º Mood: emo º*~
I can't take it anymore. This is taking way too much of a toll on me.
Time differences suck.
School sucks.
Crying over this sucks.
I feel like I've basically lost my boyfriend... I honestly don't even feel like we're together anymore, like we're just good friends that happen to say I love you.
I love him so incredibly much, but this is just way too much for me.
He keeps promising it'll get better, when in reality, it's gotten worse. Much worse.
I'm lucky if I talk to him for half an hour a night.
I'm lucky if I get to see him on the webcam for 5 minutes a week.
Neither of us are even sure if he's coming out for Christmas anymore, and I know that if he doesn't, our relationship is over. We've already basically discussed it.
And knowing my luck, he's going to be lazy up until a month before, and he won't he able to come. That'll be the end of this.
A comment was made last night that really hurt me, but I can't confront it out of fear of a fight. I never want to get into a fight with him, because we're too good for that- we're above that.
I don't know if he meant what he said, or, as Aaron said, he just wasn't thinking.
I honestly hope Aaron's explanation is right. If he meant what he said... wow, that would be horrible.
I know it's true, what he said, but the fact that my own boyfriend would point it out really hurts a lot.
Anyways.
Even though I know no one reads this anymore, I still write.
Whatever... maybe it'll be worth it one day.
</3 | | |
| ,.:'`':., 9/17/06 ,.::'`':.,
~*º Mood: depressed º*~
Today has been honestly one of the crappiest days in a long time.
It was supposed to be happy because it was mine and Wyatt's 2 months.
Buuuuuut of course not.
The days that mean the most to me always turn out to be the worst.
I actually yelled for the first time in a long time... not actually at my mom, but I was yelling because I was so fed up with everything. She understood, which was good, but I still felt horrible after yelling.
Everything is crashing down on me, and I'm unsure of absolutely everything.
I don't even feel secure anymore...
Today sucks. | | |
| ,.:'`':., 9/16/06 ,.:'`':.,
~*º Mood: happy º*~
Happy 2 Months, Babe!!
<3
[Our 2 month is actually the 17th, but it's 1:08 there, so we got to say happy 2 months before he went to bed.]
I love you, Wyatt. Never forget it.
<3 | | |
| ,.:'`':., 9/13/06 ,.:'`':.,
~*º Mood: lovey º*~
When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away,
Please tell me you'll stay, stay
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Ohhhh, how he makes me smile. <3
2 months on Sunday.
[Oh, and long distance relationships make me sad... 101 days till Christmas Break...] | | |
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